Walking the road of life...

Change

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 07:31:30 GMT

Change, it's something that takes place almost everyday of our lives. Everything can change, people, places, things. Something things change for the worse, other for the better. When something changes, we don't know to which degree it will change or for what purpose. We will make new friends, lose old ones. Life is full of change. However, it is how we view the change that will make an impact in our life.

You can think that you know how everything will turn out, but then in one minute, everything can change. Then what, how do we decide what to do next? Usually we find the answer. It just takes a while since the mist of change clouds our judgment to the point where the only thing we want, is what we just had. When you learn to look beyond the fact that sometimes life isn’t a walk on the beach, and more like a walk in woods where there are many things that can be in our way, we can learn to see that life will be good again someday. What we are looking for just maybe on the other side of the hill, we just have to keep looking.

Sometimes we can’t deal with change, or may worry that change will effect us in a negative manner. This can very well happen, but it will only happen when you can’t seem to let go of the object that has changed. If you are thinking about something you wanted to happen, or thought that will happen and things changed, when can you learn to grow? No one learns when they are drowning in their own sea of self pity. The only time you learn is when you swam out of it and are looking back at the situation.

Do not worry about change, change will come. Tomorrow is a new day. What will happen will and if it is not supposed to, it won’t. Don’t worry about what you want, but worry about what you need. Learn to accept what life hands you. I don’t mean to be cliché, but when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Basically my point, make the best of everything.

Frustrations

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 08:29:16 GMT

My problem straight up is that I over analyze everything and I’m very aware of thefact. It is true that some nights I loose sleep since I’m constantly trying to figure out things that more than likely have no meaning in the first place. I’ve done this a long as I can remember. It’s defiantly not something that I can really stop, and there is no reason that I want it too. Most of the time, it’s not a problem but a help rather. Analyzing things is the whole point of the profession that I’m getting into.

I live and I say things that justify why things happen. I say that everything happens for a reason. I truly do believe that, but why do I constantly have to be looking for reasons behind something happening. So I come up with, “Well, everything happens for a reason, but maybe the reason isn’t for me.” Well that doesn’t do me any good since the sheer fact that I try to figure out what the reason for the other person was. It’s a circle that for some reason or another can’t be stopped.

The thing that bugs me the most is when what I’m thinking or feeling isn’t in my head but rather in my very gut. It’s this full feeling right in the middle of my chest. This is the feeling that I usually have when I write things, because it’s the only way to get rid of the feelings. And then I think about what I write about, but it’s hardly ever about the future, it’s always about the past, the freaking past. Remember you’re mistakes and learn from them. That’s my problem, I do that but it’s hard to learn from something if you find it hard to change the problem in the first place.

I noticed the other day in one of my classes that I seem to remember the things that I’ve never done, or something that’s holding me back. So in general that could just be that I want to be more outgoing, or the simple fact that I can’t do something as well as I would like too. Then I say to myself, suck it up and just do it. How do you learn to overcome what you are scared or afraid of doing, if you don’t do it? Right there lays the problem. It’s hard to do something your scared of, duh that’s simple enough to figure out.

But what are people afraid of? People are afraid of the unknown. What’s going to happen? Will they like me or not. Will I fail or not. Will I die? Will I lose? Will I win? Will I prosper? Will I, will I, will I? What if, where, when, who, what, why?! We can’t deal with the fact that we don’t know what’s going to happen! We are scared of the unknown so that’s why we don’t do it or don’t want it to happen! But then if we do end up doing it, we usually tend to take the easy way out.

I read that if you don’t do it, you’ll regret it and if you do it you might regret it, so either way, you might as well do it. Forgive and forget, just live your life. Let things go and continue. There are choices in life that you will make, and you will constantly hear from them the rest of your life, there’s no doubt there. It may be good and it may be bad, either way you can never forget. You can try, but trust me it’s still there. It’s called suppression, regression, or denial. They are defense mechanism; we use them to justify our actions and problems that are going on in our lives. They’re good too have, just not if you use them too much to justify everything you do.

So what is the point of this? Well, there isn’t one, I’m just finally letting out built up frustrations of things that have happen in the past 3 or 4 years that will absolutely never make sense to me. And quite frankly I feel much better now.

Is there still good in the world?

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 06:38:20 GMT

There is good in everyone, or so I have been told. I still believe this statement to be true even though certain events have happened in all of our lives that would seem to disprove it. So who is left to define whether a person still is good at heart? This is the implication of finding the truth in the statement. Who, in the end will be able to say that one is good? It is a tough question that is hard to answer. Statistical evidence from surveys could be used to see what the total population found the correct answer to be. Statistical data on the other hand can be corrupted just like the statement or the person. It is easy to tamper with the findings, that it might be impossible to get a genuine answer. Even if an answer were to be found, would it still be the right answer. So, all in all who should be the one to answer the question? The one that lives the life or the one that judges the life?

I believe that most people would say that you should believe what the person at hand feels to be the correct answer. I would agree with this, but a problem arises where that person at hand could quite possibly and ultimately alter the answer to achieve the correct response that people would want to hear. It would have been easy to walk up to Jeffrey Dahmer, ask him if he felt like he was a good person and he could quite easily say that he was. This fact that he stated would certainly be disproved by the 15 murder charges that he was put up against in court, at least by most people. So technically, it may be impossible to get a true answer from the person that you may ask, since their answer can be so easily changed. I can say that I, Andrew Shaal am a good person. Some may agree and others may disagree. However, my word would be taken above that of Jeffrey Dahmer since I don’t have any murder charges or even more so appealing no criminal charges at all on my record.

With that idea in mind, I say that leaves everyone else to decide whether we are good at heart. A problem arises yet again with this statement. To let other people decide whether we are good at heart would lead to the idea that we are judging the person whom we are trying to find good in. For an extreme example that I Andrew Shaal were being charged for some crime that everyone knows that I did not commit, I am still sent to jail? Why would I be sent to jail if most people would agree that I am a good person? The problem is, that if the people in the jury were people that did not like me for some other aspect of my life (ex. Skin color or religion) I could still very well be sent to jail whether I am a good person or not. If other’s still want people to believe that I am a bad person they can distort the truth to get the correct response that they want from the other people.

Thus, the problem that we seem to be facing is the fact that both parties involved can distort the truth to get the result that they see to fit the best that will most benefit them. So, one party must be truthful to find the correct answer to the statement? The correct answer I believe can only be found when the tough questions are answered from all parties involved. When we listen to just one party we are subjected to bias and other items that may be purposely or accidentally placed there to get the correct response that is wanted. The correct answer to this question can only be answered by evidence and trusting the fact that yes, there is good in everyone.

life

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 07:07:44 GMT

In a recent workshop that I have taken, I have had to think about my values and how they may react with my goals in life. The point of the class is based on leadership; what is it that makes a good leader and how to become a better one. The class has really made me think about where I want to go in life and what I want to achieve in it. Whenever I signed up for the class, I just thought that it would be an interesting way to meet people and a good resume builder too. Within the first two classes that I have attended, it as become more than I have imagined.

With the intermixing of the classes that I have this semester and still no concrete plan on what I intend to do after my years here at Mansfield University, I find myself thinking a lot of what it is I should do. My first question that I ask myself is, “Do I want to continue on to grad school and then proceed to obtain my doctorate?” This vision that I have sounds more and more tempting every time I think about it. Hear people say “Dr. Shaal,” sounds quite pleasing to the ears.

As a kid, I never thought of becoming a doctor. Some reason I thought the only doctors were in hospitals, and I never intended to do surgery. That’s just crazy. It was shortly after; I found that you can be more than just a medical doctor. I still although, never gave it much thought. I mean, 8 to 12 years in college at that time was absolutely absurd. That idea I had was back in high school thought; when all I really wanted to do was get out and get on with my “life.” In high school, school always sucked, classes were boring and usually dealt with stuff I never cared about. Now that I am in college, I find that this school isn’t that bad. I happen to like college and I really don’t mind going to my classes. I usually find them interesting, mainly because it’s more discussion based. You’re actually getting more from the class than a list of notes and some test scores.

Still in the back of my mind, I wonder if going to school for 7 to 8 more years is really worth my time. I sometimes find myself discouraged with all the time and effort that would have to be put into it. With the rest of my years here at Mansfield, the GRE’s a Thesis, Master’s classes, comprehensive exams and to finish it off a dissertation and some more classes. Not only do all of these ideas apply, but let’s throw in work and perhaps some family time.

On the values scan that I did for the one workshop I listed hard work, perseverance and knowledge as my top values. If these are my top values, then I should have no problem at succeeding if I would continue on with my education. If I persevere, then I will continue on and with hard work I should make it. Ultimately, I will use those two values to obtain my goal of having more knowledge. The values that I find most important will be the basis of any decision that I make. Without any of these three I will fall short and fail. Are you following me here? If your values are your basis for your goals, then you can succeed in obtaining your goals. My problem is, do I have the perseverance to do I’m sure that some day I can accomplish.

Only time will tell the answer to that question. Time is something that everyone is running out of. There is so much to learn in such a little amount of time. Once you think you are starting to get the hang of things something changes or you die. It’s that simple. If you think you are finally starting to understand tests and assessments, new information makes the information you learn Obsolete! Once you think you’ve finally figured out life, your life ends. I fear that 7 or 8 more years in college will be too long, but really, I don’t think it will seem like it was that long once I’m 8 years down the road. Time flies the older you get. I’m not that old and I understand this concept. I have heard though that it gets worse as you get older and that my friend is what I believe will happen.

Well, this was a long and pointless entry, mainly to organize my thoughts and what not. My life is like a rubix cube. Will I ever be able to solve what I want to do with it? I just hope it won’t take me as long as it would to solve a rubix cube. I suck at those things royally.

Perfection: A false hope

Sun, 16 Jul 2006 07:23:26 GMT

A perfect world is something that is welcomed by all. Peace and love for everyone in the world. Perfection is something in life that all humans strive for, even though once the idea of perfection is placed, failure is sure to take the wheel soon. Gas which was cheap only a few years ago is now going through the roof.

If gas was cheap I would have more money
If I have more money, I could save more money
Therefore if I have money I will be happier.

So if you have money, will you be happy?

Money in life brings happiness
Happiness is having things that make you feel good
Therefore money makes you feel good

What makes you feel good in life? Are they cars, pools, large houses and electronics? There is a problem with this statement. If one would assume that material objects are what makes one happy in life, then we are finding happiness in things that are not perfect. Cars break down, perfection is lost. Houses deteriorate and fall to the ground, again not perfect. Electronics burn out and no longer function. Good food eventually will bring the perfection of ones “Visual” image down.

Humans strive for perfection in life to create happiness
Material objects create happiness
Therefore Material objects create a sense of perfection.

This is a false argument, however in a sense it is true. The answer or final outcome of the argument agrees with the two previous statements. However:

Material objects are not perfect
Perfection creates a sense of happiness among humans
Therefore material objects do not create happiness among humans.

The thing is, what you buy with money can make you happy for a short amount of time. It gives you a sense of well being. “I have this so it makes me cooler” or “Now I have a higher status in life.” Whatever you buy, will only be a temporary fix. The problem with today’s society is everything is based on perfection. If we do this perfect, then this will be perfect and everything will be great.

An error in thinking is what I consider this to be. Perfection is not something that humans can reach and the more we try, the harder we fall. To me, I’ve found that the important things in life or God, Family, Love, and Friends. Without god there wouldn’t be anything, without strong families there would be no love. Without love there would be no friend. What life would be for someone who only cares about money and has none of these for things I know that make my life complete. It is a sad idea to comprehend.
I’m thankful for every day I breathe. Now with having the job that I have, I appreciate the fact that I can be outside without hesitation now if I can do so. Just taking a walk can calm down my senses anymore. We were never meant to be locked inside a building for hours on end. It’s just something that came along when people decided to strive for perfection. Any moment I get with my family now, I will always remember. From a song (that I’m sure I’ve her 36 million times at work because of Q94, the classic rock station likes to play the same set) “You don’t know what you’ve got, till it’s gone.” It’s a true statement. Time goes so fast, most of the time you don’t know what has hit you till it’s in reverse and about to run over you again the second time.

Don’t take life for granted. Live the live that you were given the way it’s meant to be lived. You don’t know when you’re road will come to an end.

Right now I have all 4 of these things, and don’t think that I’ve ever been happier.

Cheers,
Andrew

Consider life something beautiful

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 06:32:52 GMT

In one fraction, of one second your life can change. Within in one minute of your life, you may have an impact on some ones life that you will never really realize. Things do happen for a reason. If they didn’t, why would they happen in the first place? The thing is, or an even more important question would be, why would we be here in the first place if for not some greater purpose or plan. With every action, there is a reaction. There’s beauty in everything. Sometimes the most beautiful thing can be right at your finger tips and you feel like there is no reason that you should even try anymore to reach for it. The thing is, what happens if the thing you are reaching for is there waiting for you to reach out and touch it? Don’t lose the chance to do it, because you never know if you will have that chance again. It might just be the best thing that ever happened to you. If you’re feeling down, just take a look at the good things in life. Go out side and just look what out there. In this day of age, everything is made to look like life is about to come to an end. The end of time could be around the very next corner of our life. Don’t waste time wondering why. If things happen for a reason, then let them, learn from them, do not dwell on them. Instead, take what you learned and use it to make something negative a positive. Consider that everything you do could make someone else’s day even better. Happiness is a chain reaction. Laugher is contagious. One beautiful smile could change one person’s life forever. One life, could start a whole new page in the next chapter of your life.

I’m excited to see how this chapter plays out.

Stay with me
You’re the one I need
You make the hardest things
Seem easy

Andrew

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 07:42:48 GMT

Oh life, how crazy you are.

It's actually pretty late, 2:30 to be exact. Class tomorrow at 11, so that should be pretty good. Finally I'm going to have a major, so that makes me happy. What major you may ask? Psychology, so we'll try that and see what happens. Yeah, I really don't have anything major to like talk about. Like nothing new and exciting has happend to me. So I can't talk about that. I don't really have anything to like say what I think. Maybe like revenge or regret or something with like both of them mixed together. But really it would just be like "Revenge, may feel good at the time, in the long run doesn't really do anything or actually turn against you."

But like I said before I really don't have anything. I guess if the people who actually read my livejournal, the few or any of you want me to like write something, give me some idea's. Otherwise, I'll probably just end up going another 2 months without doing anything.

My hair is as long as it's ever been.

And it's hot in the dorm right now, that's not cool.

Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light.

You're beautiful, You're beautiful it's true.

I should make a list of all the song I can play or kind of play on guitar, that way I know. I have a tendancy to forget.

Alright, it's too late and I need sleep.

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 07:11:18 GMT

Living in the past and what could have or should have happend. What I wanted to happen, none of which did. Things we always think about tend to be things that happend in the past. For whatever reason, thinking about the past is something that each and everyone of us do each day. I recall saying, "Never forget the mistakes that we make, but learn from them." This is advice that I believe most people would give to anyone when discussing the past. That's one reason why we teach history in todays school systems. I'm pretty sure that everyone of my history teachers have said this, "We have history classes, so you and future generations don't make the same mistakes that past generations made." That's an exellent reason to have history in the school system. But what about in our own life? What happens when we learn about our own past by dwelling in it? Is it a bad thing to, "Live in the past?"

My answer to that question is yes. When we begin to live life in the past, we tend to forget about the present and the future. By living in the past, we begin to think about the "What ifs" or the "Coulda, Whoulda, Shoulda." If our minds are over run by thinking thoughts of what we should have done, then obviously our minds are not thinking about what's happening at the present moment. What's the point of a pity party that's set in the past? If we are constantly thinking of what happend and what we should have done to change this or fix that, then it is apparent that we aren't thinking of the postives that we should thinking about. Our feelings have a tremendous power over us. By constantly fueling those feelings of hurt and loss or whatever by living in the past, we are hurting ourself now. Research has been done that feelings can make you sick. The power of the mind has a tremendous amount of power. If you think yourself to be sick, then eventually you will become sick. If you tell yourself that you are happy, you will become happy. If you think about the past, you will live in the past.

I guess what I'm getting to here is that I think about the past a lot. Usually, not thinking about the postive things that have happend, but the things that didn't. Even by writing this and saying what I've said, it's something that I do and I wish I didn't. Quite frankly I'm sick of doing it. You have control over your feeling, but it's how you use them is what counts. Sometimes I can't help the way about how I feel about people or certain situations. What I can change is the way I reacted to them and utimitly get over them. whatever happens, happens, it's just now I know the truth.

The year is almost over...

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 09:13:54 GMT

Alrighty, so technically it's Christmas Morning 3:42 AM. This is probably the lastest that I think that I have ever stayed up on a night around the time of Christmas. I'm probably heading to bed here soon, however something are on my mind that I just would like to get out before that I try to attempt to fall asleep. Basically, this year is almost over and everything that happend this yeah, will soon be refered to last year. It so weird how something like that can happen so quickly. Like I said two entries ago, I met so many new people this year. Also, I've just experienced so many new things this year. So much was taken in this year, and quite frankly this year has put a whole new meaning to my view of "Everything happens for a reason." Usually I try to figure out, what reasons that the things happend for. One thing that I have learned this year is that you can't figure it out within on year. Somethings you might be able to find out with in that year, but the things that you can't might take years. So many of the things that happend this year, don't even make sense. I don't know why they happend, any of them, no matter how small or large, or how I even view them. Why something happend to me, doesn't mean it just happend to me for a reason. It happend to the other people in my life or reasons for only them. No of which even makes sense. The things that right now that I have viewed as important parts this year, might not have even been ment for me. Quite frankly only time will tell.

The one fact that I am facing this year, is quite frankly I'm growing up and I admit I'm kind of scared. With no set plans with my future or how I'm really even going to make a living, it's kind of a scary thing to think about. I don't know how my life will play out in the years to come. Will I have the wife and kids that I want? Will I have the friends and family that I will always care about? What will my life be like ten years down the road? This summer was a transion for me, a transion between my teenage years and the adult years. Live life, and regret nothing. The reason I say this is because of this, you should never regret anything because it happen for a reason. It might have been a growning experience for you, or just something to show you that there are good people out there. It may show you that there are still people that share the same idea's and values as you and that's enough reason to keep fighting for what you believe in and never let anyone stop you from getting what your dreams are. If one thing did happen for a reason, that last sentence is one thing that I did learn this year. If it wasn't for me making one choice that I wasn't going to make, I don't know where or how I would be or feel today. And for that, I am grateful for all the things that happend this year. Whether they've been good or bad, or even neutral, I'm glad that all have happend.

"You should never lose hope in your dreams, because once you've lost hope, you've lost your dreams"

That's my new matto for this year. I can't lose hope in anything that I want right now, but I'm not going to let it stop me from living the life that desearve to have. Live life, and regret nothing. Everything happens for a reason. All will make you a better and stronger person than you were the day before. Just don't forget the one's that have helped you learned then new things, because they maybe the one's that will help you tomorrow. All the people, no matter of how you think I feel about you, I never forget any one and how they have helped me. Take what you want from that, but I'm here for everyone that is having a hard time, no matter what has happened in the past year.

Andrew

Wed, 21 Dec 2005 04:32:08 GMT

Note to self:

"Get over it"

Here it goes again.

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 09:05:11 GMT

Alright, so I'm sitting here and I think to myself, "Shaal, you need to go back in your LJ history and read the journal entries that you made in January." Freaking January was almost a year ago and this year went so quick. So much has happened in this last year. So many changes, so many new things and so many new people. People that will over all effect my very being and life. Who will effect it and how they will effect it, I still have yet to know but that's the thing about life. Some times you just don't know how things are going to go down. So that's why you have to live your life and no worry about how things will play out in the future, because only one person knows that and that person isn't you or me.

Like I said that so many things have happend this year and this year is one that I will never forget. But within all of those things are feelings. One of the things that I will never forget are feelings that I have felt this year. Feelings are one of those things that I don't think that we ever remember. We remember material things, or we remember things by our sense or flashshot images that are ingrained in our memories. Feelings are diffent, because when you remember a certain feeling, it's one of those feelings that you want to get back. Feelings are something that I think that you can get back. This past few entries are based on this I think. I'm constantly writing these entries to try to figure out what the heck is even going on in my head. Try to figure out if what I want, is it even worth it? I'm questioning myself on something that I swear to god that I desperatly want and something that I swear that someday is supposed to happen. And now I'm starting to get the feeling of giving up. Giving up is something that I don't think that you should ever do if you want something that desperatly. So in reality, that's not really an opition right now. Quite frankly I don't know if I will give up untill I know for a fact that it is something that is unreachable. But you should never give up on your hopes and dreams and you should never let anyone stand in your way of accomplishing them.

There are feelings that I'm not forgeting, because these feelings are something that only come once and a while. And when you have these feelings and then suddenly lose them. You don't actually know what you have lost, untill you lost it. What happens when you just don't care about those feelings anymore. There are so many things that happend this year and I wonder why they even happend, because in my mind they shouldn't have because of the choices that I were going to make. I know this for a fact. What would my year have been like if I didn't go to District Orcestra? The thing is, I wasn't even going to sign up to go. Technically I wasn't even supposed to go because our school doesn't even have a freaking orchestra. The only reason that I was able to go because of some loop hole because I had went the year before and made Regionals. But I was able to go because of that loop whole. But the other thing was, I swear I was thinking about not even going. I was just going to go to District Band and Chorus. But I did go, and that changed the whole year and in returned I get these feelings. Yes, every thing happens for a reason. So look at this District Orcestra = Feelings, these feelings I have right now. The feelings I have been feeling all year. Some times they aren't a strong as others, but when they're here, they're here and they hit home hard. So many hours working with these feelings and as the year went on, more and more feelings were added. The feeling of happyness and just so any others I can't even discribe. The thing is I can't discribe anything that I feel because none of it makes sense to me. In any other case, none of this would be relivant and this time I don't know why it is. Why I don't I feel like I have much control over these feelings. Everything is a learning experience, but this is a special one.

So many things remind me of these things. Journal entries, letters, pictures, even songs. Someday this part of my life will be over, and untill then I'm not going to let any of this get me down. Because someday will be over and however it ends, is the way that it is supposed to end. Will it end the way I feel that it will, maybe, but then again I can't see the future. Just take it step by step, and the first step is tomorrow.

I remember, the way you make me feel when I was with you.
I remember, the smile always brought me back to you.
That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue.
That look in your eyes, I never thought that this could be untrue.

Andrew

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 07:21:21 GMT

I made it home through the snow, even though it took five and a half hours. However, I'm freaking tired and I believe that because of that tiredness, my brain apparently is on overdrive, and I just need to sleep to slow everything down.

If everything happends for a reason, why did it snow today and not tomorrow. What would the differnce have been in anyone elses life?

I'm going to sleep, expect longer updates soon.

Andrew.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 14:17:44 GMT

Freakin' snow, I'm coming home tonight no matter what's coming out of the sky.

Dreams are cool, they're even cooler when they come true. Very seldom do I have dreams, but the creepy thing is that when I do, sooner to later they come true. Time will only tell with this one kids.

So any way I got one exam done and one more to go. Then after that i'm going home and nothings stopping this guy and the Impala.

Leave a comment, all the cool kids are doing it.

Mike Jonesssssssss

Or just Andrew

I don't want you to feel like this is totally over, because it isn't.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 06:55:14 GMT

“That leads me to my next topic of discussion, second chances. Usually no matter what the situation is, the second chance is usually not too far behind. I am a man that knows that second chances are out there, mainly because of what I last talked about. I guess that you could call it a second chance and well it has turned out to be one of the greatest things that has happened to me in a while. So, no matter what happens, remember that there is usually a second chance waiting there for you. But don’t take advantage of second chances, and don’t always expect them to be there. But if your honest, and are willing to try, they’ll usually be there.” ~ Me

I wrote this about five months ago. Actually it will be five months tomorrow. At the time I wrote this I was in this so called “second chance.” And at the time in my life I was one of the happiest people in the world more than likely. A lot of things change in five months. The more I think about the whole situation, it wasn’t really a second chance, more of the finishing of the first chance perhaps. So, I can’t really use that for example of second chances. Either way they are out there and the last part of that quote of mine is still dead on, or at least in my point of view it is, and I think that most people would agree.

However, my first semester of college is about over and soon I will be a second semester freshmen here at Mansfield University. It’s defiantly been a learning experience and it’s something that I will never forget. Many things have challenged everything I believe in and for the most part if not all parts, everything I believe in still stand strong. With the stress of all the classes, (even though they really haven’t been that bad yet) the switch from the high school setting to college setting and everything are enough to make the sanest person crazy. Over all the whole college experience has been great and I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. But I’m quite glad that this semester is over and that break is right around the corner.

Over all, since the last entry, nothing much as really changed and I’m slowly trying to figure things out. Sooner of later things will work out how they are supposed to, because everything does happen for a reason, what the reason is this time I really don’t know… It's amazing how one tiny sentence could have such a major impact on the way things play out. Think about one thing you may have said that has effected someone else... it's amazing the results...

Andrew

Just another entry...

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 06:32:22 GMT

“Good things come to those who wait.” However, what are the good things. And how do you know that you have to wait for something good. My mind has been on overload lately, and I’ve wanted to do a journal entry but I just couldn’t get anything out. But tonight is the night that I’m going to give it a try and see what happens.

First off, I wonder why certain things even happen. I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason. But if you really thing about something that has happened, then you try to figure out why it happened and what actually came from it, is the outcome good or bad. Why do we meet the people we meet? Because of all the events that I went to, I’ve met a lot of people. Some of them I don’t even talk to anymore. Some of the people I guess I can say I really didn’t even meet. A couple of sentences were exchanged and that may have been it. What was the purpose of that if all things happen for a reason. Was a down and talking to a person cheered me up? Or perhaps maybe the other person was feeling down and I helped brighten their day. Then I wonder about the people that I met and I still keep in contact with. And those are some of the people that I consider to be some of my closet friends. But the some of them, don’t even make sense any more.

Thinking that everything happens for a reason is a bright way to look at things. But sometimes I wonder if that’s just something that we say just to make ourselves feel better. I don’t know, and I personally don’t even understand it anymore. The more I think about people and the relationships that people have with each other. What never was, what was and what will be, it just really make me mad. I really don’t understand anything when it comes to relationships anymore. I used to make entries to about relationships and what I thought about them, but now I just find my self even more in the dark.

The next thing I can’t understand is why things keep me awake at night. This is something that bothers me and there’s usually nothing I can do about it, except maybe pop some benadryl or nightquil. The past sever nights I’ve found my self laying in bed just things about what I wrote tonight, but in more detailed thinking, certain people and things, situations. I want to go to sleep, but it’s like the past won’t let me. The weird thing is, I feel as if I know what is going to happen, but it won’t, at least not soon. So the whole “Good things come to those who wait,” idea comes into play. What if you’re quite aware of the good thing, the waiting sucks right. Right, and most people would agree. You want it right then and right now. What if what you want was right in your grasps and it slips away for a while or taken away because the time wasn’t right. That kills me, and it’s something I’ll never understand. Sometimes life has a way of kicking everyone in the ass, but perhaps it’s just a jumpstart for us to think bigger, better, and realize that what we have, really isn’t that bad at all. So instead of looking at what should be (or what you feel should be) look at what you have and be happy for it. Then maybe, just maybe when the time is right… then the good things will really come for those who understand what it’s like to not have what we want.

The stars I can’t see anymore, because the clouded image that I look through will not allow it. The thought of it is sad; the stars may always stay behind these clouds that dampen their light. But that is not the truth, for with time the clouds will move away and the moon will give light to our path, the path that we are supposed to follow. The path that will lead us together…

I need Christmas break to come, I really miss the country and the quiet. The sounds of loud gangster rap in the hallways, Nextel walkie-talkie phones and the constant smell of cigarettes gets to a person. I just want to be able to get back to the feeling of knowing that I can be alone when I want to be, just be by myself with no interruptions.

It’s bound to happen someday…

College life, or something like it

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 05:00:08 GMT

So college life, it's finally here and amazing it has been so far. I've heard people say that your college years can be the best years of your life and I'm starting to understand why. There is just so much to take in at once. All the differnt classes, the differnt atmosphere, the differnt people. Every thing is just one big brand new beginning.

Most thing that people may be wondering about back home is how the whole "Rooming with one of your best friends" is working out. Well, so far it's been freaking awesome and we've yet to fight really at all and it's just been a good time. I've never listened to Mounlin Rouge so much in my life.

It's just so much to take in at once, it's unbelieveable. I wrote an e-mail to a friend of mine the week before I moved up here. The weirdest thing happend that night. I went in town for whatever reason and I was blasting my music like usual, but as I drove through the town it was like nothing seemed familar. It was almost like I was visiting there for the vary first time, like I was just there for vacation. Then I came here and it was like a totally different feeling, it was strictly amazing. The coolest thing is, I'm totally free to do whatever I want. I'm independent and I like that feeling a lot. It's not that I wasn't really indepentant at home, because I did have some freedom, but now it's like total freedom. No one watching me or checking up on me to make sure that I don't do like stupid stuff is nice and shows that I can be trusted. Even my mother doesn't call up on me to check and see what's going on, but then again I call her every once and a while to make sure that she is doing well and everything is ok at home.

So now with that being said, I should tell you a little about myself at college. The cool thing is, I still don't Drink, Smoke, or Do drug's so I haven't changed at all that way and I plan to keep it that way. The only thing about college is that that kind of stuff is more out in the open. The hard part is to find people here that believe the same things that I just talked about really. It may be hard, but it can be done, because I've found several cool people that don't and I'm sure that I will meet a lot more in the future.

Well, I just thought that I would update. It's getting late and I have a 10:00 class tomorrow. That's not really that bad though, I have an 8:00 o'clock class on tuesday, but I still need sleep. That's the only thing that I have been lacking on up here, there's just to much you can do in a day.

Another Pointless entry, but I like it like that.

Andrew

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 06:33:42 GMT

Well, I’m back and I’m ready for some LiveJournal Action. I haven’t done one of those good updates in a while and I figure that it is about time for it.

As August comes to a close, I’m starting to realize that soon a brand new chapter in my life will begin, and it’s one chapter I have been waiting for, for a while now. But in thinking about it, it’s hard to not think of the past and the things that have happened to me. There were the great times, the bad times and the times that didn’t even make any sense and I still wonder “Hmm I wonder why I did that, like that?” In the past live journal updates, I’ve talked about school, friends, events, activities, love, family, religion and even more that I can’t remember. Now that I will soon be opening the doors to the next part of my life, I realize that no matter what happened in the past, it happened for a reason. At the time, I very might have well thought “What the heck am I thinking?” or “Why did I do that, when I should have done this?” Or “WHAT!?” They’re all questions that we ask ourselves when things happen to us. They are the “What if” questions that we all ask ourselves after something bad happens. Well, by asking “What if”, what are we even accomplishing? Absolutely nothing, or just some ways that we can use so we don’t make the same mistake twice.

Then there are those points in our life, were we think that our world is totally over. That nothing good will ever come our way again, and I defiantly know what that’s like. I think we all know what that feels like. But then there are the people around you that are telling you “It’s not the end of the world.” And you know tell them “I know.” When in your mind you’re thinking “Oh you’re totally wrong, it can’t get any worse than this. You don’t even know what I’m going through.” Do those thoughts sound familiar to you? The thing is, they are usually right. Actually, I have found that they’re always right. I’ve said in the past that before I make an important decision, I ask several people and base my answers on the way I feel and their opinions, so that my answer will benefit everyone for the best. However, there are those times where we feel that we know what’s best for us, and we do what we think is right, when it might be, well, idiotic. So, take my advice, and the advice of others and listen every once and a while. You never know how if might benefit you, because they probably have faced something similar that you are facing at the current moment.

With that said, I now have the memories that I have made here the past 18 years of my life. Of course, I have made good ones and bad ones. Like everyone, I tend to remember the good ones for the most of the time. But then you do usually have the bad ones that are always close behind. Is that bad? My answer is no. If you forget all the bad memories, (which are probably the memories where you made a terrible mistake) then you are bound to do the same thing. I was sitting here tonight and I read an entry were I wrote something along the lines of: In life, you have choices, usually the easy choice and the hard choice. The easy choice is the one that is the easier one to gain the objective, where the hard choice is the one where it takes more time and effort, but the prize is worth more. It was something of that nature. I remember when I wrote that entry. I know what I was thinking of too. And I remember the answer that I chose the night I did that entry. I said to myself “I’m going to take the hard road this time.” That choice I think may have lasted a week or so, because I was on track to trying to obtain the easy choice and it blew up in my face for the most part. But hey I guess that’s how we learn, right?

That leads me to my next topic of discussion, second chances. Usually no matter what the situation is, the second chance is usually not too far behind. I am a man that knows that second chances are out there, mainly because of what I last talked about. I guess that you could call it a second chance and well it has turned out to be one of the greatest things that has happened to me in a while. So, no matter what happens, remember that there is usually a second chance waiting there for you. But don’t take advantage of second chances, and don’t always expect them to be there. But if your honest, and are willing to try, they’ll usually be there.

So in ending this long entry, I say this: “Remember where you came from, make friends and be happy. Life won’t always be that walk on the beach at sunset, but when it’s not, don’t throw the learning experience out the window, but use it to your advantage. And like most people say around here, “Live life like you are dying.” However, when I say that I don’t mean, “Hey, let’s go get drunk and pass out a while!” That’s not living life like you are dying. That’s risking your life, so you don’t have the chance to “Live life like you are dying” anyway. I will say, that yes I find underage drinking to be completely stupid and irresponsible and illegal. Does it mean I hate your guts? No, it doesn’t mean that at all. I don’t hate you; I just don’t like what you do. It’s like if I like “My Chemical Romance” and you don’t. You don’t hate me, you just hate the band. I have my right to my opinion and you have the right to yours. So with that said, if you drink underage or what not, ok fine. Just don’t kill yourself or anyone else by doing it irresponsibly. That’s a fair thing to say right? However I would much rather say don’t do it, but hey who listens to anyone else anyway, like previously stated. So keep it cool, don’t drink and drive and in the wise word of one David C. Garnes “Wear your seat belts!”

Well that’s it, I’m done for now.

Andrew

Trapped in those eyes once again

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 07:29:51 GMT

"I received a call this evening,and it lasted about an hour. At the end of the hour, I still had so much I wanted to say, however the call had to end. So much still lingered in my mind that I felt that I wanted to say, but time ran out. I could have talked for hours like Cory did, but at the end of the call there was a slight pause, then goodbyes were exchanged. I know what I was thinking during that time of that pause. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay in that moment. I wanted to stay in those eyes."

The part about Cory, is the episode of Boy Meets World where Cory meets Lauren at the ski lodge. Instead of sitting inside looking out the window of a ski lodge, we were outside sitting int the grass. I can still remember the formations that all the star's made. I can still remember the two shooting stars that we saw, as we sat together out under the huge tapestry of stars. The feeling is only one word, perfect and that word doesn't even come close to even discribe it. Amazingly enough, the quote that is stated at the beginnging of the entry was written about this same person, except 6 months before now. Now there's no more idea's in my head that I still want to tell her, we finally got to talk for hours just like I wanted to that night. But two things changed this time around. Goodbyes weren't exchanged, or at least not from me. Because, for me I'm were I wanted to be six months ago. I'm finally trapped in those eyes, so what was the use of saying goodbye, there's still a part of her with me. I'm still trapped, trapped inside those beautiful eyes...

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 04:28:24 GMT

Who knows what we can get if we never go for it. There are so many things out there, right at our finger tips and yet sometimes we don’t even realize it. Many times we chase after something we think will make us happy, when in reality it only brings up pain and more of those life lessons we really never wanted to have in the first place. Most of the times we brought choices, because it would be to easy if every thing was already pre planed for you. I know that many times in my own life, I have chose one thing or person, when perhaps I should have choose the other. It’s a weird feeling that perhaps you might have had a greater impact on someone else’s life than you though. However within the past week I have learned more about how the way things work when if comes to plans. My mother always told me that if God is in something, it will be easy. Well, I guess that makes sense if god is in the picture right? She always said, if it’s supposed to happen, things will fall into place and you don’t have to do much of anything to make it happen. I can’t help but say this, but I found this out just this past week. A month ago I ask one fabulous girl that if she would want to go to a concert with me with Caleb and Tierra. The whole time I felt that she wanted to go, however it was getting later and later with a straight out answer if she was going to be able to go or not. For some reason or another, I knew she would but now one ever really wants to get their hopes up about something then in the end have not be the way you wanted. But I felt different about this time, I just knew everything was going to work out. Well, needless to say it did and even better than I’m sure both of us expected. Not only are we going to the concert together, but her family open her house up to me. Now really, if you think about, how cool is that. That right there tells me that it’s supposed to work out. If I am by any means wrong about that, please correct me. The thing was, that only thing I did is ask her if she wanted to go and look how everything worked out, and really that’s only part of it.

The world is a strange place and there are so many things that happen that quite frankly that we just don’t understand why. Some things turn out exactly opposite of how we wanted them to turn out and yes we all know that it really stinks. However, sometimes I think that we fail to realize that there is a greater power controlling things and quite frankly that’s how it is supposed to be for some reason mainly because God knows what he’s doing. We may not understand exactly why it works that way, but it does and for some reason, something better has to come out of it.

And so I guess to all the people who don’t believe in God or whatnot, I’ll guess you’ll have to figure this out by your self. However, this explanation makes the most sense to me.

Hmm, I'm feeling kind of strange.

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 07:08:18 GMT

So, it is Sunday morning 2:57 to be exact. I just got done watching "I, Robot" a while ago. It actualy wasn't to bad of a movie. I thought that I had heard somewhere that it wasn't good, but I thought that it was decent. Now I'm just sitting here relaxing for a while. It's really nice to have a laptop, there's just something about it. The only thing that I realy don't like about it is that you have to use the little mouse pad thing. After using it for a while it gets annoying, so that's why today I got a wireless mouse just for laptops. I acctually stole the idea off of Josh. It's the same one that he has and it's really nice. I also got a all in one printer for college today and my wireless router.

I've also been playing the drum set with the Grubes for the Relay For Life thing this coming week. That's been a lot of fun. There's just something about playing the drum set that I can't get enough of, but what it is I do not know.

Besides all that good stuff summer, overall is treating me well.

Well, I was going to write more in the journal entry a lot more actually. However I just got the sudden urge to write a letter. I leave this update for another summer day.

Later days

Andrew

Thu, 07 Jul 2005 06:09:45 GMT

Well, it's the second day and I did it. And well, it wasn't that hard at all. Like I said in the last journal entry I should eat like 2,660 calories or something along those lines. Well, todays grand total is:

1,681

Which means I am 919 under what I should have eaten today, to maintain my current weight. Now, if you take 500 calories that you should eat in one day and do it for a week, it is said that you should lose one to two pounds a week. Or so I've heard. However, I'm not going to find out. It was to much a pain in the butt to find the amount of calories there are in certain things.

I get my laptop today. That makes me gitty like a school girl.

So far, this summer has been pretty good. I can't complain, nothing bad has happened. And quite frankly, it's been getting better. Although it soon may be outstanding.

Life is grand, and I haven't gotten drunk to do it either.

Oh yeah, I still don't drink and am highly against the over consumption of it.

Well, as I used to say back in the day of my blurty...

Later days

Andrew

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 05:30:46 GMT

Well, I have stuck with my plan and I have my results for the first day of counting calories. So, with some research I have found for a guy my:

Weight: 190

Calories per day = 2660

To find this out, you take your weight and mulitiply it by:

12 - Active Female
14 - Active Male
15 - Really Active Female
17 - Really Active Male

So with that in mind, here is my final result of 24 hours of counting calories:

Calories Today: 4043

If you count that up, that's 1,383 calories that I should have eaten to maintain my current weight. That's bad if I want to lose some weight.

So hey, I going to stick with the deal of the last journal entry. I can't go over 2,660 calories, starting and hour and a half ago. And so far I have only consumed 120 of them. I'm feeling lucky.

Well, that's it for today. Oh, and by the way, rent Big Fish. It's one of the best movies I have seen by far.

Andrew

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 04:48:52 GMT

I got the dumbest idea for a journal entry update for the next two days. If you have ever seen the movie "Supersize Me" or the tv show "30 days," it's going to be like that but not endangering my life by any means. For the next 48 hours I'm going to be counting some calories. Yep, the first 24 hours (which started 41 minutes ago) I will consume what I would on any other day. Then, if on the first day, I go over the recommended daily allowance of 2,000 calories I have to stay under that amount the second day. But right now, at 12:43 I have already consumed 620 calories. The sad part about that, is all I at was a beef stick, villina sugar waffers and a can of coke. Basically that means, that if I eat a full course meal I'm done. So there's no doubt in my mind that I'm going over. And this box of Bottle Caps right by me isn't helping any. Mainly, or so I have heard that if you stay under the recommended calories, you will lose weight. So, if this is the case why listen to a guy that died by slipping on the ice? Yeah, Dr. Ackens (Spelling?) Whatever, I was just bored and thought this would be neat.

P.S. I'm not fat, and that's not why I'm doing this. However in the future, I probably will have to do this again.

Mmm Mmm Mmm Toasty

Andrew

Alright stop, it's picture time

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 01:22:46 GMT

Ok, so more with my pictures. I went out a few minutes ago just to fool around. I thought that it would be neat to take a picture of our road sign. It was the coolest picture that I took tonight.

That's it for tonight.

Andrew da playa hata

Picture time

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 05:49:27 GMT

Well, I wasn't joking about the picture updates. Here are some pictures I have taken the past two days.

Isn't this hot or not? It's hanging in my room.

And tonights final though is...

Don't do it.

Thanks

Andrew